tin of cydniey

cydniey speaks

2006-10-03T13:59:00.000-07:00

cydniey speaks

new podcast, "crybaby" is up.

live webcam - fabulousdisaster.com

2006-09-26T13:29:00.000-07:00

live webcam - fabulousdisaster.com

live cleaning of my room, non-stop yawns. but the cam is on just in case i find something interesting in the piles in my room.

Dalek i - Compass Kumpas

2006-09-23T16:49:00.000-07:00

Dalek i - Compass Kumpas: "the downright bizarre 'Happy' which sounds not unlike a party complete with jazz band being taken over by the theme tune from a bad 60s sci-fi movie whilst Gill goes lyrically insane."

heh. i told you it was silly. and if i didn't, i should have.

2006-09-23T15:50:00.000-07:00

found in my search for a "b" side called "Happy" by this band. it is nigh on impossible.

List of songs deemed inappropriate by Clear Channel following the September 11, 2001 attacks - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

2006-09-12T14:53:00.000-07:00

List of songs deemed inappropriate by Clear Channel following the September 11, 2001 attacks - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

i really hadn't thought about it, but i guess if they were being sensitive about movie releases and TV, radio would be in on that as well.

some of it seems obvious, others, not so much. i guess a look at the lyrics is the key.

cydniey speaks

2006-09-10T16:08:00.000-07:00

cydniey speaks

fresh new podcast. catch me in my nasal allergy glory.

cydniey speaks

2006-08-28T22:15:00.000-07:00

cydniey speaks

this podcast is now up and running and ready for the public. the look may change over time but the content is all fresh new unpublished work.

podOmatic - Podcast

2006-08-25T20:42:00.000-07:00

cydniey's podcast

2006-08-20T20:28:00.000-07:00

cydniey's podcast

i'm a podcaster! four poems, or "episodes" are ready for your download. enjoy! this is all new work never before recorded. i'm pretty happy with the work and with the podcasting. soon i will move it to my own webserver. yay!

cydniey is a fabulous disaster - Lulu.com

2006-08-20T16:17:00.000-07:00

cydniey is a fabulous disaster - Lulu.com

not all poets suck! a huge collection of my work ranging from 1993-2006 is now available in four books of different sizes. best of all, they are available on the cheap for download. no postage! how cool is that?

here are five pieces from "stop poking me lady" read by me.

after all
clever
the bottom
the choices
church in new orleans

feel free to constructively criticize them. thanks.

computers, ech

2006-08-06T22:21:00.000-07:00

i have, with the help of a friend, gotten my computer back up and running with several upgrades. i didn't think the day would ever come when i would feel contented and eager about this machine. i still have a lot of stuff to install, but i've done enough that it feels comfortable.

i've done little else but sleep and clean today. in fact, i just woke up from my nap at 10 pm. doc should be home in a half an hour.

and that is all in my life right now. sleep. computer. clean. yep. that covers it.

a bit of bye bye

2006-07-20T17:07:00.000-07:00

i took some time and went into a mental health facility, again. then i got back home and everything is weird because i got ECT on the wrong side of my head due to a common misconception that everyone is right handed.

so i posted over at cydniey.livejournal.com and then my modem broke and i went offline for a few weeks and it has all really just been strange.

a change

2006-05-08T12:26:00.000-07:00

sleeping beauty?

2006-05-07T20:00:00.000-07:00

damn, i slept through the day again. i would say this has got to stop, but why? what the hell do i do of value on a given day? not much.

for those who don't follow my livejournal, here's a bit of something i posted there:

that is my new hamster, Spot. my former hamster, Boo died recently and Spot was brought home to fill the void in my day. i'm very interactive with my hamsters.

and remember kids, if you are fascinated with the daily doings of me: http://cydniey.livejournal.com/

no, i'm not gone

2006-04-06T16:37:00.000-07:00

i have decided to come out from behind my name. i used to be kristin egger, or kris egger, or kristen egger. i graduated in pittsburgh in 1987.

there, i've said that. maybe i'll start updating here now that i am active on the computer again.

the box is dead

2006-01-08T12:03:00.000-08:00

there is some old cartoon craziness music that is going through my brain (i think it is the song from "who framed roger rabbit?" that daffy and donald piano duel to). and with it i have made up a little song in my head revolving around the box that took up 2/3 of the living room and its demise earlier this morning.

i emptied that box. and i took a box cutter and went apeshit. no more box.

now i have to decide if i should throw away the broken christmas disney princess pink tree, or if i keep it, will i come up with a really good idea for it later that will make it worth saving? yeah. once i get a place big enough i have a couple of things saved for the ceilings, a parachute for small cargo from vietnam, glow in the dark stars . . . and now a pink tree, which i will hang upside down from the ceiling of my future workroom and maybe hang useful things on it.

all i have to do now is take down the tree that is up, pack the ornaments, and bag it up with the other tree and thusly ready them for storage. okay, that is dealt with and the living room will be tree free by sundown.

software books

2006-01-07T18:36:00.000-08:00

i have this pile that no longer grows but still haunts me with its ever-presence: books about how to use software. books for dummies, books for the literate, books to confound even the designer of the software. early on i had to use these bulky, almost worthless things to learn what i needed to get started with my computer and the software i now use and know enough about to find online tutorials.

i can only make so much grey recycled paper out of them. some will be gleefully used as kindling as a rite of personal freedom. but still the rest of the pile sits and waits. i can't even in good conscience give them away to people.

they are a pox of the 90's, leftover in homes everywhere just lurking . . . and maybe waiting . . .

today today

2006-01-06T17:21:00.000-08:00

i tore apart my room and the studio and i only have them 2/3 put back together.

i also went out with R and got some cat food and litter.

there is stuff everywhere. and i still need to clean the kitchen and do some laundry. i also plan to make an unhealthy dinner of corned beef hash and a bagel with cream cheese. i'm starving today. i don't know why.

short list

2006-01-06T09:41:00.000-08:00

- whole milk in coffee is good
- kitty affection is fabulous
- the sky is deep blue
- R is working a short day
- friends are good

gorgeous little things

2006-01-05T10:29:00.000-08:00

"okay, so how do i sleep?" i ask him.

"like you're climbing a wall."

look ma, no scratching

2006-01-04T21:15:00.000-08:00

i'm showing signs of defeatism, which i must defeat.

48 hours

2006-01-04T11:13:00.000-08:00

it has been 48 hours since i took lamictal. the itching is gone. i don't know if this is a good sign or a bad one. i'm glad for the itching to stop, don't at all get me wrong, i hate the itching. but i don't know what that means about going back to the lamictal.

in the meantime, i've had many recommendations for abilify and a few other drugs. but i'm not hearing from anyone who quit lamictal against their wishes (like me) who were able to find something as good. my hope is gone. but then, it comes and goes. always has.

there is still the chance that the rash i have is caused by something else. but the fact that it is going away as the drug leaves my system does not bode well for me.

this is like winning the lottery and having the money stolen. your dreams are visible and seemingly reachable one week. the next it is all pulled out from under you.

oy.

how sad

2006-01-04T11:05:00.000-08:00

the mine trapping story. we were watching last night when everyone was celebrating the 12 that were alive. i looked at doc and said, "no one has seen the survivors, no one knows what is really up, what if they were wrong?"

i was kidding. and i'm sorry for all the families.

how insanely sad.

hmmm

2006-01-03T19:53:00.000-08:00

blogging to say nothing at all.

warm fuzzies

2006-01-03T12:36:00.000-08:00

not often, but sometimes i am able to help someone through some small thing and feel really good about it.

on another note of fuzzie-ness, R and i are becomming really good friends. she is planning to move in a few months, but we're going to have a good time until then. just wait until i take her to the double down saloon.

pith on thith

2006-01-03T11:13:00.000-08:00

doc is spending his day off with me, in case i didn't like what my doctor said about my medication. which i didn't. i punched the wall and cried for a bit and then found a bright spot and went on with things.

magic meds stopped, let's see how long i can hold onto this, now that i know what it is and how it feels.

how's everyone?

2006-01-02T18:22:00.000-08:00

i've been amazingly off the computer and in the living room spending time. lots more love from the cats, amazing what affectionate things they are when you aren't sitting in an office chair. i am wowed by the love i've been getting.

R came over today, we watched margaret cho.

it is raining nice and hard here. better here than in reno right now. plus it is beautiful to watch the leaves get battered off the trees by rain again.

frat boy

2006-01-02T10:24:00.000-08:00

a little observation about king bush and the spew yesterday making the wire tapping secretly moot by telling the terrorists who were being targeted. he is like a frat boy who, when he gets in trouble, tries to over explain things and makes them worse.

if there was a monica lewinsky in his life it would have been, "i did not have sexual relations with that woman, i just got a blow job" from day one. stupid king bush.

set back

2006-01-01T23:00:00.000-08:00

at some point tonight i overdid it and ended up on the couch rocking and stuttering. we walked up to the store. maybe it was the few minutes i was alone after dark waiting for doc to meet me. i got a little freaked out going under the underpass, afraid a truck was going to fall on me.

i see this as only a minor occurance, but i wanted to write it down so i remember that it is possible to overstimulate myself and end up not feeling too well.

with the xanax i feel much better and maybe should have taken it before i went out. i may have avoided this. i need to remember that my xanax is not a rectreational drug that i just do. it is medicinal and i have it for a reason and shouldn't be afraid to use it when i may need it.

lesson learned. =}

as a mom, i suck

2006-01-01T14:45:00.000-08:00

i was so busy playing this week and cleaning the inside of the house that i forgot the litter boxes. all week. i am suck. so this morning as we are sitting here laughing about last night, hank pees in full view of god and us and everyone. right on my floor. doc said the litter boxes conditions justified hank's actions and we were damn lucky he didn't shit on my pillow.

so now i'm giving them catnip and tuna and trying to say i'm sorry by making them use the clean boxes more and fattening them up. i'll brush hank later to finish off my 'i'm sorry' trip. he loves the brushes more than anything else on earth.

and, yes, i have learned my lesson. cat boxes every day. yes. i don't know what the hell happened this week. my head, though more lucid, is up in the clouds when it comes to serious things. at least i got the laundry folded and doc's stuff ironed, that makes me feel better.

the most ironic thing is that all week was pet cleaning stuff week at R's. i helped keep the ferrets distracted while she did their cage. so pet maintenance was on my mind. just not the litterbox part.

nye redux

2006-01-01T13:17:00.000-08:00

last night turned out to be a hoot, if for no other reason than R describing me as "passed out, snoring and drooling" when she got here last night. and she came bearing vanilla coke. hee.

so i drank my coke in the middle of the night and watched the news channels replay all the fireworks from around the world for a couple hours and listened to some christmas music and drank more sparkling wine. i finally went to bed as the sun was coming up. =}

should i tell?

2006-01-01T04:23:00.000-08:00

i slept through new years! i can't believe it, but at ten i was fading, i figured a couple hours nap, no problem. doc woke me at 2:30 to take my meds. so naturally, i'm all awake right now.

i can't believe i slept through it. great nap though.

but it ws great fun, very quiet and nice. and i hear there's left overs for me tomorrow. seems that M made nibbly things.

the holiday season rocked for the first time in years. the hopefulness i have going into 2006 is so intense it is sappy.

i looked at the clock exactly 12 hours ago. hee. that never happens anymore.

happy new year

2005-12-31T20:07:00.000-08:00

this is likely the last bit of time i'll have to myself until after midnight. so here are my wishes to all.

the end of a bad year, bears some reflection and someday i might do that.

nye

2005-12-31T16:15:00.000-08:00

doc and R have just gone to the liquor store. no one i invited got back to me so the booze will be cheap.

doc is also finally going to home depot and getting clear duct tape so i can make a tarot card purse for girlgoyle. i'll post a picture when it's done, but if you've seen my playing card purse, you pretty much get it. i'm also making myself one out of elvis trading cards from the 90s.

i've been having trouble with my vision all day and i'm stressed out about it enough to have taken a xanax already today. on tuesday i'll call my shrink. i also have to tell him about the rash, i didn't think it could be from the meds, but it might be and if it is, it could scar badly as i've already found out. at least my armpit is hidden, so it isn't obvious, but if i got it somewhere else on my body i would freak. i won't like having to quit the medication, though maybe he'll just reduce the dose since it has been so good to me aside from the rash.

feeling

2005-12-31T13:12:00.000-08:00

i feel like i just escaped jupiter's orbit and am flying through the solar system. the new things that are just hitting home, wisdom i've heard from friends for years are finally breaching the wall in my head. it is an exhilirating feeling.

a little phrase

2005-12-31T10:49:00.000-08:00

in the last few weeks i learned a new phrase and how to use it and i just wanted to share it with you: "that's not my problem"

i know it seems overly simplistic, but when this has never been a part of your life, to suddenly know it and use it is like having a new emotional limb. and it is great.

How to Promote Your Artwork On-Line - Printable

2005-12-30T08:35:00.000-08:00

How to Promote Your Artwork On-Line - Printable

nice, picked it up from my lj friend artist_writer, great and easy advice.

grumpy

2005-12-30T08:19:00.000-08:00

i do not want to be awake at 8:12 am.

that is really my only complaint. i don't want to be up. no soda.

i will say positively that my knee feels great. i started using a brace for it yesterday and it feels bionic.

oh i remember the other thing i was grumpy about, i've been working out hard for almost three weeks now. my cammo pants no longer fit. they are now too small. holiday eating? i don't think i ate enough in one day to ruin diet and excercise that much. whatever the case, i am still fat and still can't figure out how to stop getting fatter. that is very grumpy cyd making.

if i can get back to sleep in the next hour, this day will be salvageable. doc is working until 11 am and will come home and go straight to sleep. as long as i've had enough sleep by then, the rest of the day being quiet will be fine.

tra la la

2005-12-29T16:58:00.000-08:00

i have accomplished nothing today. not one damn useful thing.

i took a xanax with my morning meds to mellow me out. and it mellowed me a bit too much, i think i'll try a half tomorrow. if that zonks me as well, the hell with it, i'll be hyper. at least i get shit done.

rarr

2005-12-29T12:48:00.000-08:00

Las Vegas SUN: Columnist Hal Rothman: On how the Las Vegas Valley will inevitably become a predominantly Spanish-speaking community

i love to laugh - hee hee hee hee

2005-12-29T11:09:00.000-08:00

extra points if you know what movie that is from (see how i post as if you would actually comment back - i've started leaving the spam comments just to make it look like this is not the only page on the web never seen - hee).

it isn't just when i'm with R, i'm just laughing more. i noticed it with her because we spent two days together this week and that is when i noticed it. but i was driving doc to drink last night with absolute silliness. i love it when he unwinds from work and loosens up. we threw an empty cigarette pack at each other for about ten minutes last night. it sounds so silly when i say it, but we did. a bit later we were rolling around laughing at some narf a news person had made. it gets like that here. i guess that is why i so look forward to doc getting home. it isn't just that it is the only human contact i get usually, it is that he is just so fun to be with when he is relaxed. and since i started doing better, he is relaxing more and more.

then there is the kelli situation. or kam316 for those who read faithfully. she has finally told me the great unspoken thing: she is ready to come home, meaning here. i have a bedroom to clean out. it is time to stop fucking around and clean this house so it is ready for her whenever she can come out.

and you just know i'm beside myself with excitement. my bestest friend, partner and soon to be artistic collaborator is coming home.

only doc and likely kelli know how really happy i am over this. i'm happy enough for the rest of vegas. really. hee.

oh and i figured out the rash of doom has not infected my leg. i just itched really bad last night. big sigh of relief, i'd be hearbroken if i had to stop my new med.

is it thursday already?

2005-12-29T10:18:00.000-08:00

i think i'm going to keep to myself today. doc was off yesterday so we played and then i went and bugged R when she got home.

today i'm feeling like curling up in my bed and watching old movies.

and i don't mean that in a bad way. my brain wants to unwind from all the stimulation it has had all week. since it has been 8 years since i've felt anything similar to the peace the lamictal has brought me, so i'm not sure what to do with it all. so i figure that i don't want to overdo it.

so i think today was made for cuddling furry creatures like jack, who has just started sleeping on my pillow at night.

stupid drugs

2005-12-28T15:45:00.000-08:00

i have another rash, this time on my leg. same symptoms of the folliculitus i had earlier. this is a side effect of the lamictal. i really hope it goes away.

driving doc mad

2005-12-28T11:50:00.000-08:00

Getting Over okay, i'm the first to admitt that my recent stopping (with doctor's advice) the seroquel, i'm a bit more manic. but i think that will chill with the reduction (also doctor induced) of the lexapro.

meanwhile, i feel great.

doc is taking half the day off for feeling like oog. so i'm driving him mad with my nonstop talking about what i want to do to the house.

gah, christians

2005-12-28T11:35:00.000-08:00

could faux news please get off this war on christianity? they are interupting my news comedy time with the whole stupid myth. christians in china are imprisoned, that is war on christianity. what happens here is diversity, and the different are starting to speak up and the christians should shut up and be grateful for not having to hide their bibles in their floorboards.

Judge Commits 8 Over Exorcism Killings - Yahoo! News

2005-12-27T19:29:00.000-08:00

Judge Commits 8 Over Exorcism Killings - Yahoo! News

every year i find a family worse than mine, here's my new favorite.

spoiled

2005-12-27T19:04:00.000-08:00

R has been off two days in a row now. i'm spoiled, having someone to bug and go get sodas with. hee. i need to make more friends.

i realized today that i laugh a lot more now. i also learned from R that doc has noticed my new superpowers. he couldn't believe i went into walmart alone. after all, he said i shouldn't go alone, he didn't say i shouldn't go in alone. again, hee.

i'm bored

2005-12-27T11:11:00.000-08:00

the only drawback so far with the new medication that is doing so much good for me is the boredom. if i don't keep my brain and hands engaged, i get really restless and bored really quick.

for example, my brain is ready to go and my body is screaming for it to "wait up". and i'm not really sure what my body is so excited about. it isn't like i had anything planned today. i might go for a walk to get soda later. but right now i'm still waking up and getting warm (anyone else wake up cold every day?).

that's right, i have absolutely no plan for today. i'm learning that is a bad thing. i'm not in a book or jewelry making mood. i really don't know what i'm going to do to fill the time. so maybe it isn't the restlessness. when i felt it yesterday, i started working on the book i eventually finished. and i burned a CD. and then i bugged R all day. hee.

R is working today. and i am bored bored bored. maybe i'll make another book, since the one i did yesterday had imperfections that are garish to me, though unnoticeable to anyone else.

spork

2005-12-26T19:16:00.000-08:00

i went to R's to play with the ferrets and doc was on the phone with her. he'd gotten off work early and was looking for a way home.

so no ferret love for me yet.

tv is silly

new book

2005-12-26T15:37:00.000-08:00

i made a new blank journal with an old tshirt

R rocks

2005-12-26T14:45:00.000-08:00

i was bummed because doc said he didn't want me taking the bus alone to a crazy day after walmart. i understand it is a little far for me to go alone, yet.

but i have several places i want to go by bus that doc is yet uncomfortable with. one place is the strip, the others take two or more busses to get to. so i agree with him, it would be much easier to go with him the first time and get familiar with stuff.

he is having a hard time believing i'm doing better. he sees the evidence, but doesn't trust my madness to stay away. and i can see that too. it is one of my biggest fears. but until it does, i'm going to live to the fullest.

so anyway, R took pity on me and took me up to walmart. she avoided going in by running to pet smart for ferret vitamins. i went in, got the lights i needed for this year and grabbed a new sautee pan and got the hell out of there with just a little detour for some christmas candy that was half off. lovely.

2005-12-26T14:43:00.000-08:00

the eating is over

2005-12-26T10:22:00.000-08:00

at least for a week. i just packed up the cookies doc made last night so they will last until new year's eve. that night our little party is looking like it's going to be great. R is making jello shots. i've never had them so i'm really into it.

in preparation of being a lightweight, i've been drinking beer lately. i can drink three and not feel drunk. that is tolerance enough for me, i'm ready to party.

so today i'm back to working out. i took yesterday off for the most part (a few crunches and push ups) and loved it, but missed the stretching and the grunting. hee.

oog?

2005-12-26T09:17:00.000-08:00

we slept with the window open last night. it didn't get really cold but i woke up with the sore throat and stuffed nose of doom. i will be getting lots of sleep and liquids today and hope it doesn't bloom into something unmanageable.

had fun with R last night. i kept going over to bug her and play with her ferrets. i'm going to miss her when she moves out.

i have a zit on the back of my ear that feels like the size of my nose. now, i know that isn't possible, but it is big and sore. why? i guess better than the middle of my forehead.

another great holiday

2005-12-25T20:38:00.000-08:00

i've done nothing but eat all day! such good bacone, thick cut, with breakfast. then the prime rib with spinach souffle and yorkshire pudding. with plenty of cookies in between.

i took a plate of cookies and muffins over and hung out with R for a while. we listened to shakira's new CD.

i can't find my candied walnut recipe. dammit.

rarr

2005-12-25T17:50:00.000-08:00

the roast is not cooking fast enough! i'm hungry, the whole house smells of roast garlic. hungry.

on a similar note, i think my meat thermometer is dead.

happy hour has begun

2005-12-25T16:36:00.000-08:00

cheers, everyone!

coffee recommendation

2005-12-25T14:05:00.000-08:00

a flavor called mocha taramisu . . . unless you don't like flavored coffee. it tastes like it says. yummy.

it's after noon

2005-12-25T13:19:00.000-08:00

technically i could start drinking beer now, but breakfast is just now ready.

i think i'll wait until four and the cooking of the roast.

a good christmas is a christmas with beer. i'm pretty sure jesus would agree.

a deal is a deal

2005-12-25T11:53:00.000-08:00

"no noogies, we shook on that at our wedding."

Daily Kos: Sunnis: "We went to a wedding, and it turned into a funeral"

2005-12-25T11:25:00.000-08:00

Daily Kos: Sunnis: "We went to a wedding, and it turned into a funeral"

it is a little sad that i am more interested in the Iraqi elections than i was our own. but there is more to the story than the soundbytes. winners have been disqualified.

merry christmas morning

2005-12-25T11:16:00.000-08:00

i awoke to the cat better known as BlackJack SporkNBean walking on my back. he may have a future in that, i feel great. i moved my teddy bear and jack bean foomped down next to me and willed me to pet him.

doc is making pancakes and i think i'll go in and help and make some bacon and stuff.

no presents to open and i'm okay with that for the first time in a really long time. =}

god i hate the word "poetry"

2005-12-24T21:13:00.000-08:00

i also hate the word "poet". i hate that i am one of these things. i would much rather sketch. but being a poet, i am rather embarassed that i can't get my new feelings down in words. it's just annoying.

is there anything else you'd like to see the end of?

2005-12-24T19:58:00.000-08:00

why do we always channel surf at 50 past the hour?

woke up this evening

2005-12-24T19:26:00.000-08:00

i took a nap that i'm guessing i needed, since i slept for a few hours. doc cleaned the house and made coffee for me. isn't that the sweetest?

christmas eve is going off quietly and i am loving it. no screaming kids, no forced dinner, no bratty siblings or parents. loving it, i tell you.

i made chocolate chip cookies and we have beer. the window is open and a lovely breeze is coming in.

this is going down as a Very Good Holiday.

tradition

2005-12-24T13:39:00.000-08:00

every year i make a christmas CD of my favorites of the year. i try to make every one quite different. this year's theme was swing/rockabilly so most of the songs come from that genre. though i added some classics, both new and old.

play list:
alison moyet - coventry carol
big bad voodoo daddy - rockabilly christmas
brian setzer orchestra:
the man with the bag
blue christmas
jingle bells
sing sing sing with the swing
dean martin:
frosty the snowman
rudolf the red nosed reindeer
euyrythmics - winter wonderland
gene autry - rudolf the red nosed reindeer
harry connick jr. - sleigh ride
jaynells - doo wop santa clause
jimmy durante - frosty the snowman
joan jett and the blackhearts - little drummer boy
johnny mathis - do you hear what i hear?
kd lang - baby it's cold outside
nat king cole - the first noel
pougues - christmas in the drunk tank
techno - we wish you a merry christmas

the brian setzer stuff is available on his new christmas record (i think it is new) and it is all worth it.

don't think i mentioned

2005-12-24T13:03:00.000-08:00

i'm able to meditate again. this is such a relief to me, i can't believe it.

i can sit and empty my mind and enjoy a respite from it whenever i want. after years and years of constant noise, this is the most encouraging sign i've had regarding getting "better" on this new med.

2005-12-24T12:11:00.000-08:00

taken from lj user final_girl

five things i did for the first time this year
1. published my first book
2. blurbed another book
3. started getting better
4. no hospitalization during my last episode
5. renewed contact with my nana

five things i am looking forward to in 2006
1. returning to live performance
2. finishing and releasing my third CD
3. the possible return of my best friend
4. getting more better
5. getting my wares in shops

best household additions in 05
1. CD rack
2. two free computers
3. food i like to cook
4. the 5th element on DVD
5. new coffee maker that rocks

five things withing my grasp that delight me
1. new coffee maker that rocks
2. four fabulous cats
3. doc, my other best friend
4. hot fresh coffee
5. biscuits with honey

five things i lost in 05
1. the worst of my illness
2. my writing
3. my physical weakness
4. my girlfriend
5. a folder full of stickers

five people who really had my back this year
doc
kelli
leslie
ionracas
deretla_skoob

five things i should be doing instead of this
1. making cookies
2. making breakfast
3. making anything
4. condensing my typed journals
5. prepping pieces for the CD

that was harder than i thought it was going to be. but then, i only do these meme things if they don't challenge me in some way.

kitty pot

2005-12-24T11:27:00.000-08:00

i got an ounce of fluffy greens last night.

yes, that's right, catnip has returned.

i currently have four cats writhing on the floor in rapture. jack tries to eat it and sneezes (he's still young), henry rolls in it. leeloo eats it right out and rolls on the floor where it was. and chloe demurely eats a bit and goes off in private to roll around and be foolish. today she stayed with the others.

and the rolling around on the carpet in bliss goes on with kitties touching and no growling. then suddenly, in the middle of the furbound catnip orgy, they all decide together it is time to separate. leeloo stays, to clean up any leftovers.

this is my world. =}

happy xmas eve

2005-12-24T10:36:00.000-08:00

i made cinamon bun coffee. doc is still snoring away. i woke up with/from the hiccups, which i find strange. they're gone now, so it really doesn't matter where they came from.

the sky is blue for the first time in days. i went out last night without a jacket because it was so warm. this may not be the traditional holiday weather, but it is a gift, to be sure. i don't need a white christmas. i've had plenty and i don't see the magic in it.

i surprised doc with his presents. he knew i was getting him underwear but i got him a tshirt too. humble, but it was what he needed. he makes every day like christmas for me. i'm really thankful for his love and support.

oh, i forgot

2005-12-23T20:40:00.000-08:00

moments after we crossed the big intersection tonight, there was an accident that would have killed any pedestrians. yeesh.

so with that reported, i open my first beer of the season. and yes, it is a rolling rock. i love it. i have no explanation for it, i love it. and i am so ready for my first beer buzz of the season.

i went through a long phase after kam316 left that i didn't drink, as she was my drinking buddy. then doc brought home some rr and i drank most of it. so tonight we got some and i chilled it as soon as i got home. i've been drinking cinnamon coffee waiting for it to be cold.

another walk another adventure

2005-12-23T18:43:00.000-08:00

we walked up and got obscenely large burgers for dinner and then trotted over to the store and did our holiday food shopping. i'm going to make so many good treats.

and we got a lovely prime rib roast. small but not cheap. but so worth the memories. i've been doing it with other kinds of roasts, but there is nothing like prime rib.

then, because we had much stuff to bring back, we took the bus for the few blocks home.

R is coming over to take me to the store. since i already went and need some things at walmart, maybe i can talk her into going there. i need to get the cats some treats for the holiday. they love unwrapping things and eating the paper.

order

2005-12-23T11:59:00.000-08:00

i need to clean out the studio before i can work in it.

i need to clean off the porch so i can do the studio.

i have to clean out my closet and make things storable.

i have to clean the porch so i can get to the storage closet.

i see a pattern here. i am going to have to do something with the porch. when doc gets home and has had some sleep, i'm going to make him help me clear it off, and make it orderly. this has got to stop. everything hinges on cleaning off the porch and the porch isn't that bad. empty but filthy milk crates i need for the studio, pieces of palm tree, only one of which is being kept for jack's clawing glee. i have wood and cinderblocks to put the paint and tool boxes on. i have two litter boxes that need to be next to each other for ease of cleaning.

and my main hinderence? doc's bike on the porch and mine, which is hanging from the porch. we need to get those out of the way. i also need to get rid of a huge box i was going to use. it is too big to store and it takes up a third of the floor space in our living room, which is too small to start with.

okay, i've written and thought it out and i know what i need to do.

shopping day

2005-12-23T11:03:00.000-08:00

we don't really christmas shop. only for food. the feast day is the important thing.

just as at thanksgiving, a rib roast with garlic and yorkshire pudding and i'll get a spinach souffle to go with it. and blue berry muffins to go with the breakfast kit we got from mom and dad.

we've decided to do new years her with M and R. we'll do some desserts on a nice tray and hop back and forth between the apartments. it will be a very cool new year's eve.

i cut my hair more last night. likely the last cut until the sides and back grow out. it looks cuter than it did. and it works better with my cowlick.

and a great evening

2005-12-22T23:21:00.000-08:00

Q left a half bottle of jack daniel's here. he promised me vicodin for xmas. hee. i gave him a book i just made. he doesn't strike me as the sketching or journaling type, but he wanted a book.

yep

2005-12-22T19:24:00.000-08:00

patience not one of my virtues. i found salami and bread and lettuce and put together a sandwhich. now i hope it isn't take out night. if i'm still hungry in a half hour, i'll have another, the bread is small.

god jul

2005-12-22T19:19:00.000-08:00

we had a flag in my childhood homes over the holidays that said this. i was told it is swedish, which was what my grandfather was. we also had many straw goats and i remember celebrating st. lucia day. walking through our dark halls in a white gown and a wreath of burning candles on my head, carrying hot cocoa and saffron buns.

my mom was very into the holidays, very much into decorating for it. i got that from her, though i am compelled to keep the decorations up and have never had a lamp for having christmas lights to light my room.

today was good

2005-12-22T18:08:00.000-08:00

went out with R for a while.

took a chance and really "put myself out there" with something else today. i do that sometimes.

i discovered the flavor shots at 7 eleven for the sodas today. R got me a big ass vanilla coke.

we drove to a park and found that the place we want to walk isn't lit. so until spring we'll have to find another place. i'm for walking in our neighborhood.

i hope tonight is take out night, there is nothing to bloody eat here.

doc is working over time tomorrow. then i don't know what is going on. i'm busy working on my closet. i got one bag of skinny clothes gone through and sorted. i need to figure out how to store my fabric scraps. i also need to start cutting them down, since most are clothing.

THAT is what i needed at walmart, sharp fabric scissors. all of mine have been used on paper and are quite dull. then i can cut down all that stuff and it will take up half the room. i have to say i like the zip loc big bags. zipping them is a bit challenging with only two hands, but they are sturdy and you can see through them.

i can't wait, those take up too much room. and are piled everywhere. old dresses and shirts. i use old 80s shirts for the old 80s records that i make journals out of. and i have some great hippie dresses with great emboidery that will make fabulous book covers.

just in time

2005-12-22T13:30:00.000-08:00

looks like i started back up here right in time for livejournal's holiday suckage. not for nothing, myspace is slow as molasses right now, too. which i can ignore, i pay no attention at all. i go when i get friend requests, but i don't comment or read any blogs there.

stupid website switchovers. lj is in the process of it. myspace will be soon enough. hooray to those who have turned a little thing into a profitable thing, boo to the companies who takeover with preconceived notions about traffic and capacity and such stuff that they are wrong about and slow down the service. and i pay for my lj, so i'm not just bitching about a free service.

my own fault for becomming so dependent on it. hee.

ouch

2005-12-22T11:37:00.000-08:00

one more reason to get rid of the glass table in the studio and put in a narrower table with rounded corners: slamming into the corner with my thigh last night. the bruise is really cool looking, but wow, it throbs.

Astronomers Use Laser To Take Clearest Images Of The Center Of The Milky Way

2005-12-22T11:35:00.000-08:00

Astronomers Use Laser To Take Clearest Images Of The Center Of The Milky Way

cool.

this is the time

2005-12-21T20:04:00.000-08:00

this is the time where we wait for doc to get home. this may be the last day i do this, since i'll be out walking and will be getting home shortly before him. i won't have time to think about it.

right now i'm actually thinking i am hungry. i wonder what there is to cook . . .

so it is set

2005-12-21T17:04:00.000-08:00

i will be going walking with R weeknights. same time each day. part of my day scheduled and unchanging, this is going to be really good for me physically, to say nothing of the emotional benefits.

hold me, i'm scared

2005-12-21T15:17:00.000-08:00

BREITBART.COM - It's Holy Father Christmas as pope dons traditional hat

or maybe scarred. santa pope. go for the fluffy article, stay for the photo you can't take your eyes off of no matter how it burns.

this blog is not dead

2005-12-21T14:40:00.000-08:00

i've been bad. posting exclusively in my livejournal. i think i'll come back now. i have so many things to tell you about. see, i'm getting better. i can go get my own stuff at the store for the first time in almost five years.

i've had many outings in the past two weeks and i'm planning more of them.

the accomplishment i've felt is beyond explanation. i feel like i'm slowly being released from the prison my mind has become. and that is only a small part of it.

i've been working out an hour each day, seeing progress in my muscles, though not visibly yet.

and the walks and the workouts are meditative. i don't think so much when i am doing them. afterward, i feel relaxed and revitalized. it is the best feeling i've ever felt!

i don't have so much to say now that i'm on a better cloud.

i could tell you i swear i felt the ghost of my sister pat my head last night while i sat here. i still don't know what to think of that. i believed in ghosts before she died, then it was just too hard to believe because it was too personal. and i didn't want to get really wrapped up in obsessively trying to contact my dead sister. you know how it is.

so that's it for now. i'm sure there will be something else very soon. i love to type too much not to post.

ps: part of the reason i like my lj is that i get feedback there, comments. i dig that.

accomplishment

2005-12-15T14:06:00.000-08:00

i went (by myself) up to the post office to mail an ebay order and then across the street to the small grocery and picked up a 2 liter of soda.

i did it as soon as i woke up so i was only half awake for the walk up to the post office. i remember much more of the walk back.

then i got home and there is no real cleaning to do so i worked out, wondering why it was so hard and i seemed so weak. then i remembered the brisk walk up and back and was not so surprised. but i finished the workout anyway.

i have a choice of big projects to take on and i'm thinking my closet may be the first. once it is done, the studio will be easier to tackle, i hope.

throwingstardna: The "War On Christmas" Not Much Of A War After All

2005-12-14T14:09:00.000-08:00

throwingstardna: The "War On Christmas" Not Much Of A War After All

short and to the point. well said.

knock 'em dead

2005-12-12T19:15:00.000-08:00

i'm listening to the non-stop cable news coverage of the tookie williams proposed execution (i say "proposed" because apparently it isn't over til the guy is dead).

i will sheepishly i have no opinion on capital punishment. i don't know enough about it so i don't think about it. how american. we can choose not to know. in fact i think that is something we can be thankful for this year, this holiday season. not having to know or decide on everything. and generally not having it pushed in our faces if we do choose to ignore something.

in other news i worked out until i wore out today, and i even stretched it over several hours since i'm so out of shape. i already notice i can go down futher when doing pushups. i've always wanted slightly muscular arms. i have great shoulders for tank tops and have always wanted the impressive arms to go with them. i am optimistic.

i've been watching plastic surgery shows and i don't want to get to a point where i need surgery to get my body completely into shape. i will find out if it is already too late, but hope i caught myself in time.

Orisinal.com - Snow-bowling

2005-12-12T14:11:00.000-08:00

Orisinal.com - Snow-bowling

throw some cyber snowballs at some cyber ice skaters. soothing animation and short game times. have fun!

good day sir

2005-12-10T21:25:00.000-08:00

i got to talk to my sister, tripper, for a while today. that was very cool. we don't talk as often as we should. though we do email. she told me she had to close an email account recently. so i'd actually been emailing nothing at all. she's doing really well.

i miss her. but she knows this.

giant japanese jellyfish

2005-12-07T13:06:00.000-08:00

World news from The Times and the Sunday Times - Times Online: "A collection of jellyfish is known as a smack"

interesting story. big ass jellyfish are taking over off japan, halting fishing. complete with a little jellyfish trivia at the bottom of the article.

Barbra Streisand

2005-12-06T20:14:00.000-08:00

Barbra Streisand Statements

this is her statement page, almost a blog, about as close as i think you'll get with someone like her. it is contained on her site so there are links to non-political streisand goodness as well.

the hamster cage smells good

2005-12-06T14:14:00.000-08:00

and here i sit, occasionally glancing over at the evil book case i'm determined to clean today.

i want to keep on this wave of motivation and get-rid-of-it-ness.

the hamster cage was hard only because i had to separate the hamster from his "condo" (an attatchment to the side of his cage that he sleeps and hangs out in) in order to get to the smell. hamster was not happy. he doesn't like his little ball. it is smaller than his cage (which is one big wheel, see critter trail revolution at petsmart.com) so he feels confined and doesn't like to run in it. unless of coures there is a vacuum coming at him.

but it is now done and i have a dishwasher to empty and laundry to fold.

good gracious

2005-12-05T17:29:00.000-08:00

my room is clean and my list is done! yeah! i even cooked as part of my creative time.

tomorrow i will finish my bathroom by cleaning out the undersink cabinet and a good old fashioned hands and knees floor scrub. it's a small room so it is actually easier than trying to mop around the toilet.

once the bathroom is finished, it is on to my own closet. my goal is to have it cleaned out by the end of the week. somewhere in there are 2 broken hamster cages and an old stereo, so i'm thinking it won't be that hard, just a lot of trips to the dumpster.

the cats are all freaked out and happy about the new floor real estate in my room.

hey hey now

2005-12-05T13:02:00.000-08:00

i'm slowly putting myself on a schedule. not one based on specific hours, but one that simply puts a regular order to how i do things. the goal is to make sure everything gets some attention.

the lamictal my doctor put me on came in a lovely packet of 35 daily doses, nicely laid out and labeled. this is how i came up with the idea of a daily list to add some habit to my life, if i'm going to be in a rut, it should be at least productive. i came up with this while taking a pill that hadn't made it out of the nicely laid out and labeled packet well and was in sever small pieces. lamictal is not bitter.

jack the cat spent the weekend proving how clever he is. i think we could teach this one tricks. it is so easy to communicate with him. show him something once and he is happy to repeat it. and he has a trust of us, especially doc, that is seemingly complete. though he has some strange phobias, including string. we don't get that at all. we also learned that he loves cologne, incense and scented lotion of most kinds and will love up with someone who smells nice as long as they will let him. he also likes apples. go figure. i've had a lot of cats in my life, but this little guy never stops surprising me. and he's over a year and a half, so it isn't like he's a kitten anymore.

aside from the suicide thing

2005-12-03T21:35:00.000-08:00

Independent Online Edition > Europe

okay, at the risk of sounding insensitive, i was wondering, aside from the suicide aspect of the whole story, what is the ethical issue with face transplants? it's skin stretched over muscle and bone, if a face is constructed with someone's thigh flesh i don't hear the noise. but every article i've read on this mentions ethical issues while not at all explaining what they are.

anyone care to enlighten me?

hair!

2005-12-03T17:08:00.000-08:00

when one has naturally curly hair, growing one's hair out from being shaved is at the very least an akward thing.

i could have (and if i were 60 pounds lighter, would have) shaved my entire head and grown it all out together with copious amounts of hair product and follicular chaos.

this time, i chose to leave a long bit, the remains of my mohawk, now trimmed and tamed to cover the above mentioned chaos. i can put on a knit watch cap and in a couple of hours, most of the curl will have straightened, though i will have hat head smell. even though i wash my watch caps after each wear, my hair ends up reeking. ick.

plus it is in my face now. so it is part of my perifery. i lose patience with it and wet it and wipe it all back from my face. liberating, yes, but wow, is it an ugly way to go. sends me flying to my hat when someone comes to the door.

in six months, by my birthday, this will all be a dim memory and my locks will be well on their way back to the firey, untamed mane i've had in the past.

eBay Store - Cydniey's Beadeds Home Decor: Earrings, bracelets, necklaces

2005-12-02T14:41:00.000-08:00

jewelry for all price ranges; handbound journals; incense burners and other gifty things all at

http://stores.ebay.com/Cydnieys-Beadeds-Home-Decor

faerie: DON'T RAPE HER

2005-12-01T19:10:00.000-08:00

faerie: DON'T RAPE HER

a counter to the recent "don't do this so you don't get raped" emails going around.

i love pittsburgh

2005-12-01T15:29:00.000-08:00

ThePittsburghChannel.com - Channel 4 Action News - Police Considering Charges In Cemetery Wrestling Case

see, it's okay to be stupid and beat your friends bloody on shards of glass, you just can't do it in a cemetary. i know we will all benefit from this important life lesson.