each and every minute

i cannot distract myself and this is getting old. i have been counting down the hours until doc's return since four. that is four and a half hours.

during the really bad day last week i journalled offline all day, counting down each hour until he got home. i tried to read, i need to go to the library.

i lay down to sleep, sleep passes time, but i just lay there thinking and that is what i want to avoid, thinking. being inside my head, i am so sick of inside my head. i need to make some friends, heh. and unless i really have to i don't want to drug myself into sleep. i end up taking far too much seroquel doing that and i'm supposed to be weaning myself off of that drug. but it does put me out like a light. the only reason i still take it at night is so i can sleep.

90 minutes. i am so lame.